Breaking news: Movie Doctor Manhattan hung like a horse

2472730As regular readers of this blog know, as soon as the WATCHMEN movie was announced, we had only one pressing concern: Would Dr. Manhattan really be nude? Could America stand the sight of a giant, nuclear-powered, dimensionally challenged man who was so detached from humanity that he has actually forgone the need to wear underpants? Vulture breaks the shocking news that not only is Dr Manhattan really naked in WATCHMEN, but he now sports a large, circumcised dingus, unlike the small, uncut version in the comic. Says a spy:

There is indeed shitloads of blue wang. And it’s huge. In the comic book, it’s very average, and uncut, but the film is completely the opposite. Massive and circumcised. Given that it’s digital, was it [Billy] Crudup or his agent that insisted on the impressive cut cock?


Whereupon, Vulture gets all lit-crit:

In the graphic novel, Doctor Manhattan’s peen is modest and understated (do a Google Image Search), symbolizing the character’s impotence in the face of human evil. Adding inches to its length or circumference undermines everything Alan Moore was trying to say about politics, society, and the human condition. At this point, the best we can hope for is that Snyder was more faithful with respect to testicle size.


It makes you wonder about those official Dr. Manhattan condoms. Do they come in magnum?

Comments

  1. Charles Knight says:

    My understanding that that the bluray will have a “little cock cut” version included on it.

  2. Undermines everything? I didn’t know the penis was such a dominate symbol in Watchmen? I guess I have to read the whole thing… again.

  3. Ah… another allegory which ties into the angle of the Watchmen blood drip. It all makes sense now… (and how soon before someone color-corrects the blood?)

    And those condoms… do they glow in the dark? (Nice color.)

  4. If you think the Doc Manhattan johnny is terrifying, wait ’til they unleash the Rorschach!

    There’ll probably be a whole line, though. The Silk Sceptre “neck massager” will be the thing that tips it over the edge – that or the Ozymandias nuddy book.

    “Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair,” indeed!

    //Oo/\

  5. Maclaine says:

    Lots of dick talk here on The Beat these last couple of days.

  6. That’s fantastic. I know everyone’s kidding around, but I can’t think of anything that better encapsulates just how completely Zack Snyder does not “get” Watchmen than his giving Manhattan a big ol’ dick.

  7. “Lots of dick talk here on The Beat these last couple of days.”

    No kidding. I think Heidi is ovulating.

  8. Join the Wait a Week to Watch the Watchmen Facebook group here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=128815745124

    The movie Watchmen was made without the consent or participation of the writer of the book, Alan Moore.

    Out of respect for Mr. Moore, why not consider waiting at least one week (preferably more) after the theatrical release of Watchmen to watch it, as a small protest to the consistently poor treatment of Mr. Moore by Time Warner and DC Comics? DC comics, it should be noted, has a long and notorious history of poor treatment of cartoonists, going back at least to screwing a couple of teenagers out of the rights to Superman.

    I am not arguing that it is wrong to go see the Watchmen movie if you really want to. I am just suggesting you wait a bit to see it, out of RESPECT for the person who wrote it, as his wishes for it are not being honored.

    I repeat… this is an issue of RESPECT. It is not a legal issue. It is not an issue of artistic merit, or lack thereof. It is not even an issue of being completely sick of seeing marketing for this movie everywhere, even though I certainly am. It is an issue of respecting the intent of an artist whose works you respect.

    Furthermore, a week is a VERY small time to wait if you really want to see this thing. It is an important time to the Time Warner Corporation, however, as how a movie is received in its first week very much effects how successful it is overall.

    I’ve read many objections to Mr. Moore’s complaints about the film. Yes, Mr. Moore was doing work for hire… yes, he sold the rights to Watchmen. It was certainly a bad business deal.

    Mr. Moore signed a contract where the rights to Watchmen would return to him after the book had been out of print for a designated period of time. At the time Watchmen came out, there was no precedent for a graphic novel NOT going out of print. Watchmen, Dark Knight and Maus changed that. Mr. Moore naively thought at the time he signed the contract that he would get the rights back, and DC Comics was happy to exploit him.

    Regardless of whatever mistakes Mr. Moore has made in this instance, his works have greatly enriched my life. Out of respect for him, I don’t think it is asking a lot to wait a week or two to see whatever travesty they have made of his book on the screen… or, better yet, you could choose not to see it at all.

    The book is still on the shelf, and will always be the best way to experience this masterpiece of comics fiction. Why not do yourself a favor and read it instead of watching the Hollywood aberration?

    If you’ve ever read and enjoyed any of the wonderful works of Alan Moore, please consider affording him this extremely small favor.

  9. A couple of friends of mine in the film biz saw the screening that was shown at Paramount a week or so ago, and they both confirm that the film is amazing and very faithful to the book in spirit and look. They also both said this is the “single most violent release from a major studio” they’ve ever seen– and I dare say they’ve seen plenty of films. They said some of the people in the audience with weak stomachs were walking out in the first scene, others at later points– you can imagine which scenes they mean.

  10. @James: I think this is more a case of the actor portraying Doc Manhattan not wanting to be associatiated with a small penis

  11. Zeeland says:

    It’s not Billy’s tool, and it has nothing to do with ego. The facts are…

    I have an acquaintance, a Hollywood effects guy, who worked on the film for several months in Vancouver — part of his job was to figure out the motion capture and ohter effects around Manhattan. Billy Crudup — a “really nice guy,” he said, BTW — is only about 5’8″ or so, max. Everything from the neck down in the film for Big Blue is a digital body double — Billy did the movements, which were mo-capped, but the body isn’t his…it’s a digital construct based on a full-body scan done of a much taller male model who, as I understood it, has done some gay still and film work in the past. So if he’s hung, he’s professionally hung.

  12. Tammallamma says:

    // In the graphic novel, Doctor Manhattan’s peen is modest and understated (do a Google Image Search), symbolizing the character’s impotence in the face of human evil. Adding inches to its length or circumference undermines everything Alan Moore was trying to say about politics, society, and the human condition. At this point, the best we can hope for is that Snyder was more faithful with respect to testicle size.//

    From a 1999 interview with Dave Gibbons:

    “I was careful to give him [Dr. Manhattan] understated genitals, like a piece of classical sculpture, too. I’m sure some people didn’t even notice he WAS nude for a page or two and by then, it was too late!”

    http://www.sequentialtart.com/archive/july99/gibbons.shtml

    Sounds like an artist’s choice to me.

  13. No one has said it yet?

    Okay, I will….

    I hope that condom is “Unbreakable”.

  14. Tyson D. says:

    “Mr. Moore signed a contract where the rights to Watchmen would return to him after the book had been out of print for a designated period of time. At the time Watchmen came out, there was no precedent for a graphic novel NOT going out of print.”

    But isn’t there legal precedent that his stake would hypothetically be 50-50 with Dave Gibbons as co-creator? That would be like saying if Marvel magically gave back the rights to Spider-Man or Fantastic Four in the 60s or 70s that Stan Lee would retain full rights when it would most likely be a 50-50 split between writer and artist. In those examples, Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby as the artist half of the equation, respectively.

    And with the FCC flipping out over a Janet Jackson boob flash, I’m surprised Watchmen didn’t get cockslapped with an NC-17 rating.

    See what I did there? I used the wonders of the English language to make a cheap dick joke. If I overuse this power, I may just break the Internet.

  15. So Doc Man’s blue dingus gets digitally enhanced (and circumcised? ‘Superman does exists— and he’s AMERICAN!’) while Squiddy’s vagina-dentata is nowhere to be seen in the film…

    Paging Dr. Freud: Hollyood stat!

  16. Warners didn’t get an NC-17 rating because they are a major studio, and have some influence with the Motion Picture Association of America.

    Plus, I’m sure he’s not splooging the Viet Minh with his “Doc Cock” or pleasuring himself with the Valles Marineris on Mars… I’m sure it’s very tasteful and artistic, and germane to the story.

    I just hope the audience doesn’t twitter about it. I tried watching “Labyrinth” in a movie theater, and wanted to commit mass murder as the (supposedly) adult audience snickered every time David Bowie appeared on screen.

  17. Alan Moore's Beard says:

    It’s not that big. Maybe they watched the IMAX version.

    Looked uncircumcised to me, but I wasn’t really staring at the thing whenever it was on screen. I was more interested in the effect of the representation of the character on screen. I also noticed the lack of fat on Nite Owl and a squid-less ending.

    None of these things stopped me from enjoying the film. It’s a good movie, but if the fact that Ozymandias isn’t wearing purple and gold is the type of thing that gets your knickers in a twist, then you probably won’t enjoy the film as much as a casual viewer.

    It’s not that violent either, especially when you consider it’s spread out over 2 1/2 hours. 300 was way more violent, but that movie is ABOUT the violence. It earns that R rating, but it’s not nearly the hardest R I’ve ever seen.

    It’s the Watchmen movie. Everyone can still clutch their TPB to their chests and weep if they like, but it’s a good movie and it’s worth watching… especially on opening weekend because that’s when studios make their money they deserve it. Alan Moore doesn’t care about your little protests. He also doesn’t care about the Watchmen movie, so why bother getting all up in arms about it. Support Dave Gibbons by watching it opening weekend.

  18. And while we’re discussing the film’s veracity… is Jon Osterman circumcised? Or is it not that big a deal?

  19. Wraith says:

    I’m calling it right now. This movie is going to under perform at the box office. I predict that most non comic book readers (civilians) will (a) not “get” this movie (b) the downbeat unhappy ending (c) the fact that the Watchmen themselves are pretty much messed up either morally or mentally and (d) full frontal nude Dr. Manhattan (well too most straight guys).

  20. I wonder if everyone will be walking out of the theater with “blue balls” when the final credits roll?

    ~

    Coat

  21. Steve Taylor says:

    “STRAIGHT GUYS WALK ON MALE NUDE SUPERHERO PIC!”
    Everyone knows that normal men hate nudity.

  22. I guess tons of hardcore comics geeks will now be falling all over themselves to be seen arguing for a smaller cock. Wait a minute, that seems unlikely for some reason…

    P.S. I nominate this sentence for the Could-Have-Been-Directly-Ripped-from-a-Christopher-Guest-Mockumentary award: “At this point, the best we can hope for is that Snyder was more faithful with respect to testicle size.”

  23. Faust says:

    Zeeland, unless your gay your full of shit. Straight guys dont just out of the blue say… that guys is ONLY between 5 and 8 inches. For a start that 3 inches is a huge diference. And ONLY and EIGHT INCHES should never be in the one sentence. haha…
    Also, arn’t America afraid of nudity for men?

  24. ShutUpRob says:

    Personally, I’d rather be discussing how naked Malin Ackerman may or may not be in Watchmen, given Laurie’s sex scenes with both Dr. Manhattan and Night Owl. There just isn’t enough discussion of female nudity in movies — okay, movie — and I think it’s about time we took a stand regarding full-frontal nudity, to make sure that there’s an equal or near-equal amount of screen time of full-frontal nudity of both genders so that one gender is not objectified more than the other.

    — Rob

  25. DOCTOR MANWANGHAT.

    That is all.

    //Oo/\

  26. Kate Willaert says:

    “I guess tons of hardcore comics geeks will now be falling all over themselves to be seen arguing for a smaller cock. Wait a minute, that seems unlikely for some reason…”

    Have we forgotten CrotchGate already?

  27. What I don’t get is why they for some reason assumed that cut dicks are somehow more manly and impressive. Like we all need surgical alteration for manliness now?

  28. SciFiGirl says:

    I just think it’s silly how some straight guys get upset over seeing a penis in a movie (even if it’s CG, for goodness sake.) We all know if Dr. Manhattan was female, all these same guys would be whooping it up at seeing her fully nude.

  29. Faust says:

    What is crotchgate? … I do howerver remember boobgate (Janet) haha…

  30. Faust says:

    What is crotchgate? … I do howerver remember boobgate (Janet) haha…

  31. Snitch says:

    I do think the nudity will keep some fans away and cut back on money made by the movie. At least my interest has diminished.

  32. I think that of all the cool powers that Doc has, the best is his ability to not suffer from shrinkage in the cold!!!!!

  33. I think that of all the cool powers that Doc has, the best is his ability to not suffer from shrinkage in the cold!!!!!

  34. I think of all Doc’s powers, his most impressive(and the one I envy) is his ability to not suffer from shrinkage in cold weather!!!!!!

  35. I think of all Doc’s powers, his most impressive(and the one I envy) is his ability to not suffer from shrinkage in cold weather!!!!!!

  36. I think of all Doc’s powers, his most impressive(and the one I envy) is his ability to not suffer from shrinkage in cold weather!!!!!!

  37. Huge? Miles of…? Come on guys, granted, it is relative to his size at any moment. but his dick wasn’t that big. Yeah, my wife liked it, but it wasn’t huge.

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