Constantine #1 – The Six-Word Review

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CONST Cv1 ds tm Constantine #1   The Six Word Review
CONSTANTINE #1
Written by JEFF LEMIRE and RAY FAWKES
Art by RENATO GUEDES
Colored by MARCELO MAIOLO
Lettered by SAL CIPRIANO
Edited by KATIE KUBERT and BRIAN CUNNINGHAM
Covers by ROD REIS, IVAN REIS and JOE PRADO

Constantine does not have bulging quadriceps.

Okay, I guess I do need more than six words…in order for you to be so muscular that your quads ripple right through your Dockers like Ivan Reis’s Constantine does, you need to work out like all the time. I mean seriously, next time you are at the pub count how many of your friends have giant rippling quads bursting through their pants. I think it will be a surprisingly low number. And few of them will be alcoholic, chain smoking magicians.

Also, Constantine—the one I’ve been reading about for all these years—does not have a big he-man butt chin. Even in his hey day, Sting did not have a big he-man butt chin:

201303201747 Constantine #1   The Six Word Review
If Constantine is to be voiced by Patrick Warburton in a cartoon, then he should definitely have a big he-man butt chin. otherwise…dubious.

PS: really liked the colors in this book, which went well with Guedes’ fine-line style. I was not a fan of Constantine suddenly talking like Gordon Ramsay, yeah. I guess Ramsay is the modern day Sting. This book was not aimed at me and it did not accidentally hit my target.

I did greatly enjoy HELLBLAZER #300 which I neglected to say at the time, an all fucking, drinking smoking farewell. I forgot what a great comics writer Pete Milligan is and enjoyed seeing my man Guiseppe Camuncoli turn in such stellar work. But different character, different audience, yeah.

Which Constantine will Guillermo del Toro go for? Butt chin or ciggie-pack?

Comments

  1. Nicholas Winter says:

    Did you by any chance read enough* of it to notice that Constatine was smoking in Constantine #1? Or would that have that spoiled your rhetorical statement?

    *which have been the third page.

  2. jacob lyon goddard says:

    Wait wait wait, you mean one of the giant corporate publishers did something that pissed off its long time customers while trying to make more money for the stock holders?

    *shock*

  3. Joe S. Walker says:

    “Better than Sting’s acting or music” is an accurate six-word review of most things.

  4. jonboy says:

    Okay. This is pathetic. This isn’t a review of the comic. It’s a review of the cover. C’mon Beat, be a little bit better than your friends at Bleeding Cool.

    At least you have a REAL review here:
    http://comicsbeat.com/review-constantine-1-this-is-not-your-fathers-hellblazer/

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