Lost 5X01: What if I were real?

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Haliwax l Lost 5X01: What if I were real?

A little action, a lot of talking and some very weird things. That’s the short version of tonight’s two-hour premiere of Lost.

Let’s jump to the spoilery stuff, shall we? You’ve been warned.

Let’s try to do the “Bill Simmons running diary” for tonight’s show. Note: this doesn’t include the preview show. And times are approximate.

01:10 – Reminiscent of Season’s Two opener with Desmond. The record skipping will apparently be a metaphor that will be familiar in no time.

02:10 – It’s Marvin Candle. He’s got two arms!

02:35 – Marvin Candle = Dr. Chang.

03:32 – The Frozen Donkey Wheel!

04:00 – “There are rules that can’t be broken!”

04:20 – The first nosebleed of tonight’s episode.

04:40 – Huh? Faraday in the 1970s?

06:00 – Stoner Jack is no fun.

06:20 – Goodbye, beard. This scene will no doubt sadden many Jack fans around the world.

07:50 – Three years earlier. In case we didn’t know for sure.

08:48 – Where’d everybody go?

09:20 – Neal is already annoying, nine minutes into the show.

10:30 – Back to nature, I guess.

10:50 – Daniel and Charlotte. Lots of scuttlebutt about these two already. Future lovers? Siblings?

11:40 – DUN DUN DUN~!

13:40 – People are still wondering if Aaron is developmentally challenged.

14:30 – Next on Maury, “Who is Aaron’s Baby Mommy?”

14:55 – Who’s the client? Claire’s mother, maybe?

15:10 – If the choice is Fight or Flight, we know what Kate will pick.

16:09 – Get that man a shirt.

17:25 – “The record skipping on a turntable.”

17:45 – Is Faraday’s hair darker than it was last year?

18:50 – That plane looks very familiar. What could be on board?

19:20 – Hello, statue filled with heroin.

20:20 – Will the Island heal Locke again?

20:54 – Ethan! We have not missed you!

24:34 – Another Time Warp?

25:22 – Sun still wearing her wedding ring.

27:00 – Sun’s heel turn continues? And boy, is she skinny now.

28:18 – Hurley and Sayid, “Midnight Run 2.”

29:00 – The old “tape on the door” trick.

30:01 – Love the tease of the knives in the dishwasher. Nicely Hitchcockian.

30:55 – Two Tranq Darts? Not good.

34:21 – So, they’re back in the “present?” Headache starting.

36:00 – Time, in addition to being like a record, is also a stream. Where’s the Doctor when you need him?

37:55 – Did anyone else expect that to be Boone?

38:20 – Richard Alpert, man on the scene. So, is he immortal or also unstuck in time?

40:00 – “It points North.” LOL

40:40 – John Locke’s mission statement for this season.

41:15 – Time jump #3.

49:00 – Miles: good with ghosts, bad with people.

49:15 – Uh oh. Someone better find Charlotte a Constant.

50:20 – Maybe Desmond knows who that is.

51:18 – The rules don’t apply to Desmond.

52:03 – Faraday’s mother? Mrs. Hawking?

52:30 – Wedding bells for Desmond and Penelope.

57:20 – Still three years ago.

57:45 – There’s Frank. Wondering where he has been.

59:02 – bloop.

59:12 – Hurley and Crazy go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly.

60:00 – Hurley is full of empty threats because he’s too nice to go through with them.

61:18 – “What if I were real?”

62:03 – I guess Libby still cares, even in the afterlife.

67:40 – “The Frogert is also cursed,” as the Simpsons once said.

69:01 – Miles has one unpleasant ability to locate food.

69:32 – I guess it’s now “Weekend at Sayid’s.”

71:05 – Synchronicity.

72:15 – Who is the mystery caller?

73:10 – Cold Turkey for Dr. Jack.

74:23 – He’s dead. Or is he?

74:50 – EXPOSE~! That reminds us of Nikki. Who wasn’t really dead when she looked dead. Hmmm.

81:51 – Quoting the Godfather.

82:33 – Hello, mystery caller, in your expensive hotel.

83:09 – Jill. New?

84:29 – He so knows more than he is letting on.

85:21 – The mother’s maiden name must be a puzzle piece.

86:10 – It’s only “mostly dead.”

86:31 – Best Death since Dr. Artz.

90:40 – “and fire reigned down from the sky.”

91:45 – Sawyer seems to be bad luck for the red shirts.

92:34 – Having to choose between “crazy” and “liar” isn’t much of a choice.

93:20 – Car still in the garage.

95:37 – What kind of person are you, Kate? How many people have you already killed?

97:39 – Fate seems to be pushing the Six together and then people try and rip them apart.

102:25 – Hugo’s mom with the social commentary on the media.

102:45 – It’s best to not lie to your mother.

103:50 – It really does seem silly when you try and explain the whole plot, doesn’t it?

105:15 – Poor Hurley. So much guilt.

105:45 – More mercenaries?

106:35 – Those uniforms look awful old-fashioned.

111:35 – Holy Pulp Fiction, Batman.

111:53 – Even millionaires love Hot Pockets.

112:47 – Understatement of the Year: “I’m not an easy man to trust.”

113:20 – If mephistophelian is a word, that’s Ben.

113:55 – Oh, Hurley. You never make the right decisions.

115:10 – A popular theory is that those were Rousseau’s men. Not feeling that theory personally.

116:00 – Spooky.

117:21 – Mixing magic and science?

117:57 – May God have mercy on your souls. And all that jazz.

Best crazy theory heard last night: The island needs a constant for its time jumping and the Oceanic Six are its Constant.

Let’s open the floodgates and hear all your ideas, the more outlandish, the better.

Posted by Mark Coale

Comments

  1. Tommy Raiko says:

    Here’s a thought that came to me…

    What ever happened to that other Oceanic 815 survivor, the flight attendant who (if I recall correctly) wound up with Ana Lucia’s group of Tailies, and later was shown among the Others. Was she killed in the attack of the freighter folks last season?

    If she’s still alive, wouldn’t she also be time-jumping like Locke, Juliet, etc. Where/when is she?

  2. Hasn’t the supply of “red shirt” survivors already been depleted?

  3. The theory I liked is that the Oceanic Six (plus Ben and Locke, one presumes) are the constants for the island’s inhabitants and Faraday has probably realized this. It certainly appears as though the inhabitants have become unstuck in time, as opposed to the island itself jumping through time.

    And how great was it to see the enigmatic Miss Hawking (Great in-joke for physics geeks) again? Ever since her appearance in the jewelry store With Desmond in “Flashes Before Your Eyes,” I had a feeling we’d see her become integral to the central storyline.

  4. So here is a run down on my thoughts of last night’s premier. If you didn’t see the episode then there will be spoilers.

    “Oh S*!” Moment of the Night:
    Minutes into the show we saw the building of the Orchid station back in the 70’s and then out of nowhere is freaking Faraday disguised as a construction worker!

    LOL Moment of the Night:
    Hands down has to be Sawyer slapping Faraday. It was freaking hilarious. I had to rewind and watch it three times!

    Best Line of the Night:
    Hurley and Sayid visit a fast food restaurant and Hugo says, “Maybe if you eat more comfort food you’d have to shoot less people.”

    “WTF?!” Moment of the Night:
    It wasn’t enough to simply have ghost Anna Lucia show up but then to have her tell her Hurley “Oh yeah, Libby says hi.” Is just twisted!

    “Bull S*!” Moment of the Night:
    After Hurley changes into that Shih-tzu shirt he pulls out of the gas station parking lot and seconds later Kate pulls in. I understand this is “Lost” but that was just over the top ridiculous.

    Speculations:

    * The losties are traveling through time and as we saw with Charlotte are starting to suffer through “the sickness.” The reason the Oceanic 6 have to return is because collectively they are the Island’s constant.
    * The trump card of course is Desmond. Because of him being in the Hatch explosion he’s the only one who can break time travel rules so he can change things (as we saw with him saving Charlie over and over again) and fix the island without bringing the other Losties back.
    * If Desmond can really change time (which we’ve seen him do), I really hope the series doesn’t end with him basically undoing the plane crash and everything we’ve seen.
    * The lawyers who approached Kate are so working for Sun. It was a big manipulation she was pulling to make Kate run to her for help that somehow fits into hers and Windmore’s plans.
    * When jumping through time, Locke told Ethan that he would be in charge of The Others. There is no way in hell that Ethan never mentioned that to Ben, which means when Ben tried to kill Locke awhile back it was because Ben was trying to change the future.
    * How odd is it that when the Losties first heard about the time travel theory from Faraday they didn’t really object. Have they just seen so much weird crap at this point that they believe time travel without a second thought?
    * So we still don’t have proof that Jin is dead?
    * So Locke definitely seems to not be dead? My guess he’s in some sort of coma-state and getting back to the island will heal/wake him.

    New Questions:
    Did we know Pierre Chang (Dr. Candle) had a son? Is it someone we know? Is it Miles?
    What will Desmond find in Oxford?
    Who’s journal does Faraday have?

    Oddest Theory
    After the season finale last year I soooo said that The Island was jumping through time and that Charlotte is the long lost love child of Sawyer and Juliette. Oddly enough, the season premier means that this may actually be a possible theory.

    What I don’t Get:
    I racked my brain all night and I sincerely don’t understand why Hurley has such a problem lying about the island. He sincerely broke down when opening up to his mother. But why? All because they lied about the island? After everything that has gone down, how could he want to tell the rest of the world? How could he think that even with all six of them telling the truth that anyone would ever believe them?

  5. Charles Knight says:

    Is the beat having a change of direction?

  6. Was the baby at the beginning of the episode MIles? Back in the day?

  7. gary armstrong says:

    i have this flash last night that aaron is really ben as a baby

  8. Lostpedia mentions a number of plotlines that will be picked up again this season, but nothing yet about the business that brought Juliet to the island, the Others’ fertility crisis.

    Richard scoffed somewhat at Ben’s preoccupation with that matter, implying there were more important fish to fry. Still, that fish will need frying some time…

  9. Powers says:

    I still think Charlotte is Ben’s friend from school, who made him the dolls on his birthday.
    They hint that she left the island before the purge.

  10. i know this sounds ridiculous, but i felt like last night’s episode was the most soap opera-y i’ve ever seen. maybe it was all the shirtless sawyer-meat.

    i’m worried that the getting-back-to-the-island storyline is going to turn the show into a not so good caper show, like prison break or something. having said that, i got giggle when marvin candle showed up, and i like what’s happening on the island a lot so far.

  11. Mark Coale says:

    One of my friends pointed out last night that the compass that Richard gave Locke is one of the items young Locke had to pick back in the 1950s.

  12. Kiel Phegley says:

    I think Beau’s got the right idea.

  13. More tremolos and pizzicatos on the show’s soundtrack, please— we need to know what we’ve just seen is DRAMATIC! FORESHADOWING! and
    SIGNIFICANT! Oooooh.

    That, or more cowbells.

  14. Uhm…how come Michelle Rodriguez’s name was in the credits but she didn’t show up in last night’s episode?

    ~

    Coat

  15. Mark Coale says:

    “Uhm…how come Michelle Rodriguez’s name was in the credits but she didn’t show up in last night’s episode?”

    Did you not see Ghosty Ana Lucia pull over Hurley and Sayid?

    That’s where the title of the post came from. She also told Hurley that “Libby says hi.”

  16. No, that must have happened during my potty break…

    ~

    Coat

  17. well i agree . Lol.

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