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You know how sometimes people “Float an idea”? Well I think this idea is floating in a little leaky toy boat that will soon sink to the bottom of nightmare pool. According to Latino Review the Sony movie folks are now so flummoxed about what to do with the Spider-Man franchise that they are thinking about making a solo Aunt May movie. Now your first thought on this would be, “Oh like The Whales of August or Philomena? Well Helen Mirren and Judi Dench are always looking for good roles.” But the idea is young Aunt May as…a spy?

Yes, an Aunt May movie. A movie about Aunt May as a youth, before she was shouldered with the responsibility of raising Peter Parker. The target mood is some sort of espionage story in the vein of AMC’s Mad Men, which sounds like a way of saying “classier Agent Carter” without name-dropping Marvel’s upcoming series.

But the whole point here is that I NOT mention Marvel, because Sony isn’t giving up the Spider-Verse before they make an attempt at a movie based on the completely fabricated past of May Parker. Well, the espionage part is fabricated.


Agent Parker.

Latino Review brings up, as I will Trouble by Mark Millar and Terry Dodson which was all about young May Reilly as a sexually active your lady and her getting knocked up on a singing weekend and…what was that I was saying about Philomena?

Aunt May has of course been used as a supporting character in many ways but this is the wildest idea for the whole “comic book movie craze” we’ve yet heard. Although, Avi Arad, surrent Spider-verse movie producer, was around when Trouble was green-lit and…

Not toyetic, Avi. Not toyetic.

If anything all this crazy movie news makes it clear just what a steady hand Marvel Studio head Kevin Feige has. Please, keep Kevin Feige alive. He is all that stands between us and the abyss.

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8 COMMENTS

  1. Seriously, as much as we complain about WB at times, Sony and Fox make them look like downright geniuses.

  2. Re TROUBLE: Was this published before or after Norman Osborne knocked up Gwen Stacy?

    I might post the usual comment about my childhood being “raped” if I still cared what Marvel does with its characters, all of whom should have been retired years ago. I increasingly take the attitude that all Marvel stories since the early ’90s are “imaginary stories” and not canon.

  4. Young Aunt May as a spy?

    Hahaha…this is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard for Spider-man and surrounding characters. To be fair, the comics making Peter Parker’s parents spies who got killed by the Red Skull or something was also pretty stupid (which is why writers usually don’t bring it up).

  5. My prediction: the next spider flick will also flop, lose at the box office, and Sony may decide to stop chasing good money after bad. I know they want to keep Marvel from getting Spidey back, but people haven’t fallen for the new franchise and eventually Sony will have to listen to their quickly vanishing bank accounts.

  6. “Was this published before or after Norman Osborne knocked up Gwen Stacy?”
    My god, please tell me this isn’t an actual thing. Marvel really sucks sometimes.

  7. Okay… I understand. Sony has the Spider-Verse (worst?) and wants to spin a nice shared universe of movies. Or maybe Avi Arad is getting his revenge.

    As for toys? “Famous Covers Aunt May” exists.

    You know what? I don’t know who has the rights, or if Marvel would even consider selling them, but why not make a Marville movie? Each issue will be adapted by a different writer, shot by a different director, and will not have an ending. Instead, the studio will encourage would-be auteurs to film their own ending, and post it to YouTube. Have Stan Lee play Ted Turner. Merchandise the heck out of the otters. Maybe it’s satirical. Maybe it’s meta. Maybe it’s a train-wreck. It’ll become a cult classic!

  8. “My god, please tell me this isn’t an actual thing. Marvel really sucks sometimes.”

    In the “Sins Past” storyline (which I read and have been trying to forget ever since), it was revealed that Norman Osborne fathered two children with Gwen Stacy.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gabriel_Stacy_and_Sarah_Stacy

    As the Wickipedia article puts it: “J. Michael Straczynski later stated that he originally wanted Peter Parker to be the father of Gwen Stacy’s kids but the editors vetoed the idea. They felt that it would age Peter Parker too much if he had two adult children. It was then decided by the whole creative and editorial team that Norman Osborn would be the father.”

    Brilliant, Marvel. Just brilliant.

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