Monday, Monday

2915178050 8ab249a10c Monday, Monday
“And…here our troubles began…”

Photo by Brian Heater. Soon after this photo was taken, one man involved was battling explosive diarrhea, another was nauseous, and yet a third had a Cúchulainn-like gout of blood spurting from his nose. We have to give a call-out to Jah Furry’s cat-like survival instincts: after a bite or two of a biscuit, the techniques taught him by an ancient Navajo shaman kicked in, warning him that to finish it would mean total incapacitation for at least 18 hours, as well as chronic dropsy for the rest of his natural life. The Beat? The Beat is okay because we had stuck with an actual Waffle, which had a seemingly lower lard content than anything else on the menu. We don’t know how you people live, we really don’t.

Anyway, aside from the Waffle House disaster, our trip to SPX was fine and dandy. Many comics purchased, many old friends seen, much news exchanged, many songs sung. More in the next post!

But before we do, welcome aboard to the new Beat Intern, Aaron Humphrey, who lives on the other side of the world in Australia, but is doing our events calendar to get warmed up before he does great things for the world.


  1. “We don’t know how you people live, we really don’t.”

    We work up gradual immunity over many years, à la the Dread Pirate Roberts and iocane powder. The flip side, of course, is that when you move to (entirely theoretically, of course) the pacific northwest, you immediately go into withdrawal from lack of large-haired waitresses who call you “honey.”

    True story: Back in Asheville, a friend of mine wrote her entire undergraduate lit thesis at a Waffle House. By the end, the waitresses were asking after Dorothy Allison. Poverty, free refills, and desperation will go a long way.

  2. for the record, i was the “nauseous” one

  3. Mark Coale says:

    When we ate at a Waffle House last year after a wrestling show in PA, we had maybe the sassiest 14-year old as a server.

  4. The Beat as okay because we had stuck with an actual Waffle,…

    What??? No one eats waffles at Waffle House! You’re supposed to get the Triple Hash Browns!

  5. In Omaha, there was a Perkins about four blocks from campus. Big tables, open 24 hours, bottomless cups of coffee, fried food, and frequented by Omaha’s Finest, as it was located in the middle of town on the main drag. Prefer it to Denny’s. Somewhat classier.

  6. Ben McCool says:

    Uh-oh — it looks like Jah Furry’s giving me a HANDJOB here! Taking Captain Pickard to warp speed, no less!

    And Heidi looks way, way too happy about it…

    PS: I was the one with the nosebleed. I mean, c’mon — how the hell does a SANDWICH induce a nosebleed…?

  7. Waffle Houses are there for travelers to marvel at their sheer numbers and blocky letters. They are not for eating.

  8. Ben — what, you like pinos?

  9. ha ha, funny! And fun to read. About road trips. And road food.
    I don’t know how YOU guys do it, travelling around the US all the time,
    and eating in national chains to survive.

  10. Ben McCool says:

    Jah Furry — LOL!!

  11. When we vacationed in NC last year, we ate at a Waffle House or WH knockoff every single day. At one of them, our waitress was actually no lie both a) toothless, and b) smoking a cigarette as she served. I kept looking for the cameras from the Punk the Northerners show.

  12. @Jason-

    Waffle Houses are there for meeting up with your friends after shows at three in the morning, when you’re too broke even for Denny’s.

    And the pie’s usually pretty safe, as are hash browns if you keep them relatively simple and avoid meat.

  13. See, this is why we stuck with the Original House of Pancakes. And thank god we did.

  14. Van Jensen says:

    Actual quote from Heidi on Sunday: “So, what’s the deal with Waffle House?”

    How can I begin to answer that? All I can say is that the last time I ate at one (on Thanksgiving no less), my car was broken into. Never again.

  15. Patrick Dean says:

    Ah, I ate at Waffle House twice last week and my tummy’s still in one piece and my car is fine. Plus, my waitress was a cute middle-aged woman with a bowl cut and kept my coffee cup refilled. Waffle House is like IHOP, except tastier and cheaper… and their waffles DO taste delicious. Wonderful Eggs over easy and the bacon… perfect!

    Really, give WH one more try if you’re ever on the road.

  16. John McCarthy says:

    “Cúchulainn-like gout of blood”
    Heidi, you are my hero.


  1. […] As we sat down beneath the neon yellow glow of the Waffle House, moments before our waiter smiled to reveal a pair of brown filmy incisors, Ben McCool uttered cheerfully like a ravenous harbinger of impending doom, “you know, I think may be the greatest decision that’s ever been made, ever.” The tale of distress that followed that evening (and, troublingly, into the next morning, for me), is one which will live on in roadside lore, for years to come (though, for the record, so far as I can tell, The Beat’s reports of “explosive diarrhea” have been somewhat exaggerated). I mention it here for it was precisely because of that unfortunate decision that we missed the pre-SPX festivities occurring that evening at Atomic Books, featuring an impressive lineup of familiar names, like Brian Ralph, Lauren Weinstein, Jesse Reklaw, Julia Wertz, Laura Park, Theo Ellsworth, Austin English, Ken Dahl, and Ben Claassen III. […]

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