Politics: Marvin E. Quasniki would lead a puppet regime

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If you are like us, you are still grieving at the loss of Herman Cain from next year’s presidential race. From his powerful hats, to his inspiring slogans — “You need a job, right?” — to his wondrous waffling that made every scandal a delight, Cain never failed to bring a smile to our lips, even in these grim times. And he justified that faith in his ability to make us laugh at our problems right up until the very end, topping it off with a quote with the Pokémon movie.

But Herman is gone. Luckily, a new candidate for the Republican nomination has arisen who may just take his place, Marvin E. Quasniki, a humble turquoise farmer from Tonopah, Nevada who is running on a very catchy campaign motto that will soon be heard all over Fox News: “No more bullshit.”

He also held his own in the debates, as this clip shows, and reinvented the whole “word said three times in a row” movement with his own spin. You can also see him in action with Erin Burnett, and more at his YouTube channel.

Now, there are some who say Quasniki is nothing more than a puppet. In this case, a puppet created by Henson Alternative, the adult branch of the Muppet empire, and endorsed by Nerdist, the geek news site. But really, maybe it is time we recognized that having a puppet in the White House is a proud tradition, and Marvin E. Quasniki fits into that tradition. In that case, it is your patriotic duty to cast your vote and hit “Like” on Facebook.

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