Spotlight on: Putting things that explode near your junk

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With underpants bombs making headline everywhere, a look at similar comics themes of groinal aggression have hit a few blogs. Comics Alliance examines a Punisher action figure from Toy Biz who is so glad to see you, he’s going to blow you to kingdom come with a giant ground to air missile launcher emerging from his junk. Was such a figure a joke or really offered for sale to the nation’s youth? A comment reveals Frank-en-killerweenie was in fact part of a shape-shifter line sold at Toys”R”Us and the killer rocket was a merely a transitional — but memorable — stage for the shape shift.

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Meanwhie, Topless Robot presents 16 Incredibly Impractical Superhero Costumes — the full list is well worth perusing — but we’ll confine our attention here to Codpiece, who sports a similar crotch rig, with a similar danger of loin-bursting recoil.

Jesus Christ, look at him. If you can’t tell what’s impractical about this costume, you’re either not a guy or don’t live in a place we like to call reality. This bazonkers costume traces back to Codpiece’s even more bazonkers origin story; basically, when this dude was in high school he asked out a girl who rejected him on the grounds that he wasn’t “big enough.” Now, she meant his height, but he took it as a blow to his manhood, which drove him crazy because there was no way for her to know that he was a few quarters short of a dollar. This self-conscious attitude continued to haunt him his entire life, to the point where his doctor suggested he get counseling and he took offense to getting his head “shrunk.” Instead of investing in an expensive car, he decided to hell with subtlety and went straight for blatant overcompensation.


While Rob Bricken is as hilarious as usual in his analysis, he does fail to mention that the character originally appeared in Doom Patrol #70, by Rachel Pollack, Scot Eaton and Tom Sutton, so it was quite probably that the issues inherent in strapping a big gun to your dingus were apparent to the creators involved. If you want to go the full monty of psychoanalysis, you might even recall that writer Pollack is transsexual.

Dpc Holy Crap Thats Him

Head Injury Theater has a more thorough write-up on Codpiece, and is similarly alarmed by the story, even though it’s clearly written with a knowing eye (As the splash page shows, it’s also a nod to THE CRYING GAME, a film in which a man unwittingly dates a transsexual.)

Looking at all this, one can’t help but regret that Vertigo and DCU characters don’t cross over, as Codpiece could have served many useful functions in 52, Countdown, or any of the Crisis books. Grant Morrison, why have you forsaken us?

As long as we’re on the topic, let’s salute Tom Savini’s Sex Machine from DUSK TO DAWN:

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And finally, one that NEVER goes out of style, Alex Ross’s Citizen Steele. Instead of instilling fear, when this crotch rocket goes off, people cheer!
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Comments

  1. Is that a thermonuclear device in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

    Frank Castle, AKA “Needle Prick”

    Sometimes a gun is just a gun…

    New from Johnson & Johnson… KY Gun Oil!

    “Excuse me while I whip this out.”

    And just how do you cock the gun (or is it gun the cock?) on the Punisher toy?

    No! No! I want an Official Marvel Shape Shifters Punisher Power Pistol Action Figure!
    You’ll go blind, kid. Ho. Ho. Ho.

  2. All any aspiring comic book writer on the West Coast has to do is look in the center of the LA X-press weekly newspaper for codpiece inspiration.

    ~

    Coat

  3. Synsidar says:

    Back in the late ’90s, a Wall Street Journal article had a front-page article on cell phones, and how having the latest, smallest phone made a guy better than those with older, bigger models. I was going to contrast that, subtly, in my newsletter abstract with the usual male concerns about penis size, but the department supervisor nixed it.

    Nerds who get their thrills and status from owning equipment might not care about their physical equipment.

    SRS

  4. The Beat says:

    I am a little saddened that a post on children’s comics generates a flame war that goes on for a four day holiday weekend, while a post that contains the phrase “groinal aggression” can barely manage 3 comments. Where are the firebrands of my youth?

  5. Why is it sad? This post is funny. Here, we’re laughing at people’s lack of four-thought. In the other post we debating (and I feel we were all very civil about it, at lest last time I checked) whether or not the producers of said material were being irresponsible as artists. I do believe that anything goes in art , humor, or drama, (“bad” words, nudity, violence) as long as it is portrayed in an honest and responsible way. It’s a point I feel is maid rather eloquently, here… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbDUCmTqzME

  6. Oh wait, I just re-read your post and realized you were talking about a different post. I didn’t check out that post, and at this point, I’m just plane afraid to. Sorry. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

  7. At least now you’re up to 7 posts.

  8. That codpiece book seems better than the Bible. Geez! Good stuff!

  9. michael says:

    Sex Machine was pretty funny in that movie and is/was Rachel a boy or girl now? O.o

    Also, even more disturbing about that Punisher toy is one of the actual final ‘transformations’ that he apparently takes, as the ‘weapon’ in question seems to come from his behind as he’s bending over at a contortonists’ agility, but really either way, it’s a kid’s toy…and the weapon is either his penis or ass-canon!!! O.o

  10. Maybe this toy is where the idea for the “FrankenCastle” storyline came from.

    cp

  11. Caged Wisdom says:

    Michael – I believe, looking at the toy’s box, that the finished product can only be described as a taint-cannon.

  12. The recoil must feel more awful than anything :S

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